| | There is no such thing as hiding...in some way or another, we all want to be found... | comments: Leave a comment   |
| | Current Music: | Art Brut - "Bang Bang Rock And Roll" | | Subject: | Sea Legs | | Time: | 01:48 pm |
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| Sea Legs
Life = The Sea
I'm currently learning to roll with it.
I don't know where my place is, metaphysically-speaking, much of the time.
I don't know exactly where I belong, or what the hell I'm doing. I screw up things in my life as often as I get them right, I'd wager. At times I feel incredibly young, and then other times I feel too old, too out-of-touch. I almost always feel like an outsider in my own life, and I'm certainly an easy target for other people's abuse or ridicule.
But there's a constant (although faint) voice inside my head that reassures me that I'll be okay. That I'll escape all of the bullshit that I'm fighting against. That I will accomplish something in this world.
And until then, all I have to is figure out how to keep upright, and keep my balance above the waves, even in the worst of storms.
So - Avast, motherfuckers, cuz here we go. | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | Band f Bees - "Free The Bees" | | Subject: | Long Is The Way | | Time: | 12:20 pm | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/opiummmm/foxies/sad.gif) cold |
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| Look at this - back, again.
I want to write. I've been feeling the urge more and more, these days. For catharsis, maybe, but more for the sheer need for expression.
I've discovered, much to my relief, that I'm not going to break, any time soon. I can crack, certainly. I can bruise, and can even melt (as the bandage on my finger will attest...stupid fire pit). But I bounce back, as well as any Superball. This is good news. For a while, I wasn't sure. For a while, I exaggerated my own frailty.
Atfer attending two different art shows at MOCA in LA ("Masters Of American Comics" & "Ecstacy")with M*, my brother, and Gabby, I've been more determined than ever to eek out a life for myself that I'm happy with...a life filled with art, and a modicum of comfort, and of course, love. So - one down.. :) | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | The Shins - Chutes Too Narrow | | Subject: | Seperations | | Time: | 02:31 pm | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/opiummmm/foxies/happy.gif) jubilant |
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| It's almost impossible that so much has going on with me lately, and yet I am incapable of accurately transcribing it.
Which is good, maybe. Maybe some things are best left undiscussed in a public forum.
Needless to say, I am in a constant state of euphoria these days. Like a ragdoll in a washing machine. I'm dizzy, and my soul feels fresh and new. Like I've waken from a coma, and the world is a brighter, more exciting place than I ever remember it being.
Yoo-hoo. It sounds like I've been taking happy pills. Which isn't that far off from the truth.
...I've been digesting alot of new art these days. I finally viewed "I Heart Huckabees", which is better than i would have guessed...started reading Bukowski's "Hollywood" (normally I hate writers that are so egocentric, but somehow with Bukowski, I don't really mind). And of course, there's been a flood of music to digest these days (it never ends, music).
I'm constantly reminded of how important Art, in all it's forms, is to me. What's more important than human beings, communicating their souls to one another? Expressing their ideas, their way of seeing the world? Songs, films, paintings, novels...how much some silly results of someone else's imagination can effect me. Maybe I'm a bit too sensitive to such things. But if I'm going to distract myself for the misery of real life...well, i'll take Joni Mitchell's "The River", or "Welcome To The Dollhouse" over a football game or an episode of "the O'Reilly factor", thankyouverymuch.
Goodness, I'm rambling.
...Had band practice last night. Which was nice, although fairly fruitless. But it's always nice to just be able to play. It was hot as sin in my house, but on the other hand - playign in my own living room. Doesn't get more convenient than that.
I just want to write. Write songs. Nothing about being a "musician" is more satisfying than wiritng, to me. Like the idea that maybe you will write "the perfect song", or at the very least, something bigger than you are.
(Music, beer, and the bestest gal in the world...what else is there?) | | comments: Leave a comment |
| Ah, how surreal my current employment situation has become...I find myself in the middle of all of this responsibility, and with very little ability or inclination for it. And yet...somehow it all continues to run smoothly. And Mondays, I'm completely alone in the office all day. So I sit here, by myself, waiting for the day to be over, listening to music, or "surfing the net", and taking too many cigarette breaks than my conscious can handle (I'm getting paid for this?), and praying that the phone doesn't ring (over the years I have learned to loathe customer service, even though it's what I excel at, work-wise). Sometimes I leave here foggy-headed, like I'm not even sure if I actually the the spent here. Like I said...surreal.
...my Sunday was an interesting one. Spent the early morning wishing I had the power to stop time (like Edie from "Out Of This World", if I could just touch my index fingers together...), so that I could stay in bed with *M* forever. Then, after a painful goodbye, I spent a few hours at work (slave to the Man, is I), and trying to wish my mum a Happy Mother's Day, but to no avail, as she spent the afternoon celebrating at the local casinos (my family - a classy bunch).
That evening my uber-cool neighbors were having a get-together, and my dear lady was off playing Florence Nightengale for her sick puddytat (poor thing...), so I proceeded to spend the evening getting properly loaded with some very cool people. Unfortunately, as the night wore on, I became increasingly increasingly despondent from the lack of my Love's presence. I'm quite sure I became a nusiance to fellow partygoers, since I couldn't be stopped from speaking incessantly of her, and of the rare gift I've been handed.
After a quick stop to the bar (for free drinks), I went home without saying goodbye, and ended up passing out in my bed, beer still in hand (thankfully it was mostly empty).
What can I say? I'm so far down the well, I can't even see the top. And it is ex-cellent.
I will make it to my hosts up next time, for the Fishstick-Eating contest they are hosting next week.
Okay - must run....I must catch up with my twin, and then hurry home. Hope everyone is well! | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | Death Cab For Cutie - "Transatlanticism" | | Subject: | Let's Change Shape | | Time: | 01:38 pm | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/opiummmm/foxies/indescribable.gif) indescribable |
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| "I need you so much closer...I need you so much closer...so come on..."
Amen.
...So, Friday has finally come at last. Waking up to the sound of rain, and a just-chilly-enough room. Then listening to Echo & The Bunnymen on my way to work (thanks to the i-pod accidentally left behind in my room, by the loveliest of all absent-minded professors) under a giant, swirling sky. A picture perfect morning.
Work? Not as bad as the day before. Still a nonstop, chaotic mess. But managable, at least. And then of course there's my lunch, which consisted of rendezvousing with Miss M for a walk, and stealing a kiss under the awning of tree branches.
My life has suddenly turned into a movie, somehow. A movie that, were it viewed by the general public, would most likely find the audience walking en masse from the theaters, shaking their heads.
"way too unrealistic", the audience would hiss.
"A total farce!" the ciritics would moan.
But it's my life. And wether or not I believe it's all really happening (sometimes I wonder if I've actually suffered a massive blow to my head, and the last week or so has all been merely the wonderful inventions of a comatose mind), I care not. I love my unbelieveable life.
And tonight...a chance to sleep in my favorite set of arms. And other things...oh, the other things...!
I'll leave on that thought. Now if you excuse me, I have to listen to Hayden's "We Don't Mind" and smile my goofy ass off.
T-G-I-Muthafuckin'-F, people.
(PS - right now I'm drunk, depressed, and freaking out...being in love, as mcuh as I am, is such a foreign thing to me...I hope I have the constitution for it...) | | comments: 4 comments or Leave a comment |
| So, what is new? Well, let's see...
I don't have testicular cancer. So that's, you know, good.
I finally had my doctor's appointment today, where I received a complete physical. And I learned that the fears I've been harbouring for the last month or so were, thankfully, unfounded. I never thought I'd feel so relieved, with a man's hands fondling my dangly-bits...
(Actually, Dr. Shwartz was a huge relief - he was disarming, and relaxed, and spoke to me like an adult instead of a 14-year-old, the way most doctors seem to treat me. I'm hoping to make him my general practioner. Thanks, doc!)
I feel so much...lighter. the burden of stress that I wasn't even aware of has been lifted (it's scary that you can be affected by something and not even realize it.) So I say - Yay for being (relatively) healthy, and happy!
Work, on the other hand, is a nightmare at the moment. Doing my boss' job, and my normal job (which is actually technically the job of two people) is stressful on a good day, and utterly miserable on a bad day. And I still have another two weeks of it left. And all for the same measly wages I've been making for the last two years. I tell you, if I didn't love this stupid job...
......................................................................................
So - things are great. Wonderful. Beautiful. Okeey-dokey-dum-diddly-tastic. The skies have opened up and the hands of God have emerged, taking me, cradled me in their palms, whilst I lay awashed in warmth and light.
So the real question is - How are you? :) | | comments: 4 comments or Leave a comment |
| Wow. It's been a while.
I was...enticed back here, I have to admit.
So, I wonder - what happens after you're suddenly given everything you've ever wanted?
I suppose, as a great candy-making madman once suggested...you live Happily Ever After... :) | | comments: 5 comments or Leave a comment |
| So. My sobriety lasted all of 30 hours.
But, it was worth it.
It was a whirlwind weekend, to say the least.
FRIDAY - Went to the Berlin/Psych Furs show - Sweet Christmas!!! What a show! It was a little weird, since most people were there to see Berlin (Teri Nunn looks amazing, and can sing beautifully, but the music was watered down and seemed to be trying to appeal to the middle-aged crowd a tad bit too hard). Being surrounded by 4something- year olds doing the booty shake in their haiiwian shirts and Coronas in their hands = SURREAL).
But the Furs were every bit as dynamic and exciting as I hope for! They played most of my favorites (expect "She Is Mine", but I wasn't expecting them to). Richard Butler could teach most frontmen of today a thing or two, and Tim Butler is one of the coolest bass players I've ever seen! The two girls I went with were drooling the entire show. And I bought a really neat t-shirt!
Afterwards we went to a party, where (yes) I proceeded to get very drunk, and had a few wonderful conversations, and made out in a car with a lovely girl for two hours. I ended the night falling asleep, drink in hand, on a very uncomfortable couch (my neck still hurts...)
SATURDAY - My friend's bachelor party, and also my first bachelor party experience.
Went to a rather -shady strip club, where I pounded one Whiskey and Coke after another, so that 20 minutes after getting there, I was suitably "pissed". After the man of honor got a lapdance from a suprisingly attractive, tattooted girl, we were on our way to Huntington Beach (along the way listening to the Damned and the Pixies, and singing along to the oldies staion at the top of our lungs), where the bars were too crowded, and to be more specific, too crowded with dipshit, rich assholes. But finally we made our way to the beach, where we drank, smoked jumped into freezing cold water, enjoyed the beauty of the ocean at night, and shared some genuine male bonding.
(It's funny, being a man sometimes. That night I watched a bunch of guys trying extremely hard to say how much they loved each other, without actually saying how much they loved each other.)
We ended the night watching female ejaculation porn.
SUNDAY - Gave my bedroom a much needed cleaning, hung out with a lady friend, and watched "Love, Actually", and "The Last Samurai".
Thankfully, no booze was ingested.
PS - I cannot get the Walkmen's "The Rat", out my head!!! It's been a week already!
Ciao For Now!
Music Currently Playing:
My Favorite - "Love At Absolute Zero" | | comments: 3 comments or Leave a comment |
| Dear God...being "leftover drunk" the next day sucks...
This weekend I found myself:
- at a "crusty punk" party (it was interesting, and everyone was really nice).
- getting drunk before a show and almost passing out whilst performing.
- Freaked out in an elevator in front of a bunch of friends (I'm extremely claustrophobic...I'm such a girl...)
- Repeatedly cursing the heat, and this stupid state I live in.
- Meeting nice people, and dancing until I couldn't dance no more.
Must go home soon, and take a nap...
PS - thanks to everyone who came out last night! | | comments: 4 comments or Leave a comment |
| To use a somewhat antiquated bit of lingo:
Yippee!
I just had a really nice date! And very grown-up-like, to boot! (Sadly, most of my dating experience hasn't much evolved past those awkward high school couplings that most people strive to get past).
Had lunch at a fantastic cafe, and enjoyed very inteeligent, and equally laid-back and confortable conservation, with a really cool girl. Of course, the actual chance of budding romance is somewhat slim (said femme is moving to Seattle in a few months). But I've come to appeciate spending time with nice people, and all that. Plus, I think she digs me... :)
....
What a whirlwind weekend. Got drunk for the first time in a while...kissed a few people I probably shouldn't have...played the shittiest (albeit the most wild and carefree) rock show I've ever been a party to...missed the Orange Blossom Festival...stood in the rain...and got to spend quality time with a good friend. Of course, now I'm on 3 hours of sleep. But it was definitely worth it.
....
It's funny how many people I know have such transitory lives. They are completely comfortable with moving fro0m place to place, oftentimes only living somewhere for a few months. Making new friends, leaving old ones behind. Just tryijg to find their hoem in the world.
Just the thought makes me insecure. I have extremely strong nesting insctints. A strong support group of friends, and an enviorment I feel comfortable and where I belong, are unquestionable requirements for me.
Am I too rigid? I know I need to make a jump into the unkown myself soon, and give up alot of the security I've built for myself...'m not as much of a "fly by the seat of your pants" kinda guy, as much as I'd like to be. Maybe these people have the right idea; maybe it is all about the journey.
I think I get attacthed to things to easily...
Okay. Sorry. Enough fo that.
....
PS - Does anyone know if Coachella tickets are really sold out yet? | | comments: 8 comments or Leave a comment |
| Damn. I never got to go book-shupping this weekend. Damn.
And the gym was closed on Easter, so no work out for me. Damn damn.
....
This weekend, in recap:
-Played "James Bond" video games(god, how pathetic)
-Performed at Club Addiction in Downey, CA...the 12 people who caught us loved it. I drank and danced.
-Saw "The Girl Next Door". Liked it (it was siily, and cute)
-Heard a lot of new music (Poulain, Eagles Of Death Metal, Junior Senior)
-Saw some old friends, and tried in vain to be nice to somebody who isn't worth the effort...but oh, well. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| Good Christ, I'm tired... :skull:
I want to go dancing tonight...it's so rare that I actually the house these days. But on the other hand, I desperately need to get some sleep! Oh, such dilemmas...
....
Has anyone heard the "TV on The Radio" CD? I was actually surprised at how much I enjoyed it. I'm actually getting rather tired of the whole, "NY No-Wave/Dance-punk" thing...but this is really good! | | comments: Leave a comment |
| What a world, what a world, what a world.
Friday the Pretty Scars played a show at Disposable Pop...unbeknownst to us, a previous night's show was cancelled, and the preceeding lineup was added to our night. So we ended up playing with 4 hardcore bands. And their audience. Basically, we stuck out like a sore thumb. And overall, the crowd didn't seem overly enthuasiastic.
However, we played really well (better than we've ever played DP before, ironically). And the rest of the crowd (those few that weren't there for the hardcore show) were extremely receptive. We met alot of really cool people, and had a really fun night (fucking around drunk at ALberto's - awesome!) But most of all, I saw my band truly unite under adversity, and come out on top. It's such an intense feeling, almost like beign in a gang (without the guns and fighting over turf, and all that). :)
Sadly, two shitty things also happened that night:
1) In the heat of drumming my ass off, my glasses fell off, and one of the arms broke off. It is currently being held on by electrical tape. I would go and actually fix them, but sadly -
2) I accidentally left my credit card at the club. I still haven't deposited my check, and I have no money.... :(
Saturday - Spent most of the day trying to get to Kristin's party. But no one was around, and everyone else couldn't make it out there. I ended up going to Josh's party with Jesse and a couple of his Yucaipa friends. Talked about sex with Adriel, and movies with Kyle and Jonathan...got midly drunk, then got lost in Noroco before finally getting home. It was a hoot, in the best possible sense.
(Note To Kiristin; I'm so sorry! I'm a total asshole for not calling! I know it! But nobody could make it out, and I spent thw whole day trying to figure out a way to get out there. Anyways, I apologize for not making it, and I hope you had a great birthday...)
Sunday - Didn't do much. By that, I mean I didn't leave the house much. But I was productive, at least. I excercised, wrote more of my script, did a it of cleaning, and watched more movies. Later that night Jim and I went to his work after hours and hung out for a bit, which was nice (there's something unmistakably relaxing about dowtown Redlands at night).
...
I've been recently redisovering my passion for music. It's such a welcome feeling; I was more than a little worried that the passion would never come back.
Lying in bed in the dark at night, listening to the perfect music; is there anything better?
...
Things seem to be getting crazy all around me, for people I know, and and situations that feel somehow familair. But as of right now I remain uneffected by the insanity. I'm keeping my fingers crossed... | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| Yay for productivity, I always say!
This weekend was good; I wrote more of my script, and relaxed.
Saturday some friends and I went to LA to a Fashion/art/music show-party-thingy, called, "Nuclear Winter". It was this very hip, underground sort of thing. The venue was located in the heart of the Industrial district, in a rundown factory building (driving around in search of the place, we made various jokes about ending up like the guys in "Judgement Night"). The crowd was an eclectic mix of artsy lesbian Goth girls, Mods, punky artist-types, and disinterested Fashionistas, who spent most of the night in line at the makeshift bar.
LA is such a strange place...it can really get to you, if you let it...
All in all, it was a fun experience. We met some nice people, and did some important networking for the band.
Also got to watch the 1st Season collection of the CHapelle show...god DAMN, that shit it funny...!!!
...
On a sidenote: It's a strange feeling to think that you're parents might get a divorce, when you're 27 years old... | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| "Been a long time since I rock n' rolled."
That was pretty much my worry last night before actually taking the stage at Club Pulse. In three months, I hadn't had one decent practice, either with the band, or on my own. Such a defeciency in the honing of your craft is bound to have a negative effect on your confidence (they say that every time the Who took a break between playing, Keith Moon would completely forget how to play the drums, and would have to re-teach himself...I dunno if it's true, but it makes for a great bit of Rock Mythos).
But nonetheless, rock n' roll, we did. And it was...satisfying.
Our playing wasn't nearly as tight as it could've been (I for one was on 4 hours of sleep, and exhausted). But there was a definite energy, and the quality of the songs really shone through. And the people dug it. Which is really the most important thing.
Well..that, and all the fine rock sluts...! :P :)
...
God, I have some really nice friends. Friends who drive 30 miles on a weeknight and pay $5 to stand around until their friend's band comes on, and then
watch the show for 30 minutes. Time after time. If anyone who fits the preceeding description reads, I just want you to know that I LOVE YOU, and I truly appreciate all of the support. THANK YOU!!!
...
Tonight, I think I might actually stay home, play me some "Simpsons Hit & Run" on the Gamecube, and just RELAX...man, that sounds nice... | | comments: 4 comments or Leave a comment |
| I had centered this past weekend around my date on Saturday. The rest of the 48+ hours didn't matter, as long as my date went well.
Unfortunately, it didn't. Go well, that is.
Turns out said girl isn't interested in pursuing anything. She is planning on moving to PA in a month or so, and doesn't think that she should get involved with someone when she's planning on leaving.
The thing is; I honestly believe her. If it had been someone else, I would have smelled the bullshit from a mile off. I've been turned down enough times in my life to know when someone is trying to "let me down easy". But this girl...you'd have to know her to understand the difference...but I do believe her. And I know she does like me. A bit, at least.
But the thing is, being rejected, for any reason, sucks. And it's worse when that person is someone you think is really special.
It's rather ironic, really. I'm finally ready to commit to someone, and I meet someone, and they dust me. Bitter justice, maybe. Ah, well. Better this way, I know. My day will come. And in the meantime, I have alot of priorities to see to...
The rest of my weekend was completely boring and uneventfull...although I did watch a shitload of movies (okay, I'll admit it; Seabiscuit was so good it made me all weepy-like...stupid horse movie...I'm such a sucker...) | | comments: Leave a comment |
| If there is one thing in the world that can can continue to surprise me, it would have to be the seemingly never-ending capacity for human beings to be utterly worthless, and devoid of even the most minute level of compassion.
Okay; maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration.
But not by much.
Over the last few days, I have become aware that people, people I have once called "friends", are in fact, fairly horrible bastards. I don't mean to sound harsh, but the fact is; these people I am speaking of have spent the focus of their recent lives forcing their misery on everyone else around them. Most of the people in question are just very unhappy people. I can understand that. But to treat those around them with such little disregard...it's upsetting, to say the least.
I undertsand that nobody is perfect. And I'm well aware of my own shortcomings; I've made quite alot of mistakes, esspecially in recent history, and ended up hurting alot of people I care about.
But I feel that I'm a far happier person, and a better person now, then I've been for the last 2.5 years. And I one of the decisions I made towards this modicum of self-improvement was realizing I needed to remove certain people from my life. And now, I see that I have made the right decision. There are alot of people out there who are miserable, and bitter, and whose priority in life is too strike out at those they see as having a better life. Misery loves company, right? Well, thanks, but no thanks, assholes.
I used to let other people's opinions of me affect me, and my self-worth. It has always been a priority of mine that people like me, that I not upset people. I wanted to be everyone's friend. But that, too has changed for me. Frankly; some people aren't worth the effort.
Anyways...
On an up note; Last night was a blast! Went to Til Tuesday with Jesse and Jenny. Although my hip was killing me (never go running before properly stretching, folks) I still managed to dance like a fool. I talked with a bunch of people, drank, got hit on three times (always good for an ego boost), and got some good news about the band.
The only down note was that I found out someone I care about is moving. Which really sucks, and makes me feel bad because we'd had kind of grew apart recently. I just hope the move is good for them, and they get their affairs in order, and are able to move back soon. :(
Tonight it's the gym, then off to the movies, hopefully. Tomorrow band practice (and some serious talking with an important friend), and then Friday it's the Pretty Scars show in Silverlake, and then Release The Bats after wards. Good times... | | comments: 4 comments or Leave a comment |
| Yay!!!
I'm in a great mood, currently.
Had a wonderful (albeit a tad strange) weekend.
To sum it all up; "Spinal Tap", 72 hours of rain and gray clouds, the Murder City Devils - "R.I.P.", a 4 mile jog under the most breathtaking skyline by the airport, the scent of fresh skin, a memorable walk at Midnight in the rain, one weird party in LA, a great date, a decent night of sleep, music, "The Pianist", hanging out with Sam, El Burrito, Midnight Madness, quiet moments in parked cars, homemade cookies from cute girls, and "Aqua Teen Hunger Force".
If that doesn't sound great to you, trust me; it was.
I hope you all had equally awesome weekends!
PS - I miss all of my LJ buddies...I wish I had more time to talk...
PPS - Oh, and Steph - It was so nice to see you!!! And Mike Faix says, "HI"!!!! | | comments: 3 comments or Leave a comment |
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